Things I Cannot Live Without Part 2: The Awakening

Why The Awakening, you ask? I don’t know. It just felt right. All good part 2’s have mysterious titles, don’t they?


So, the second thing I cannot live without (Or, alternatively, thing I can live without, but do not want to live without….see part one for details) is…….

2. Celebrities that make me so happy I’m not famous!

I am not what you would call a celebrity-gossip junky. I know the sites TMZ and Perez Hilton, but honestly, unless there’s a particularly funny (gross, embarrassing) picture that I’ve been directed to on one of those sites, I don’t really give a shit. I guess by blogging about the famous idiots, I’m only adding to their fame, but meh. So, why do it at all?

What’s that German word for finding joy in others’ misfortune? (Hold while I Google)….

Schadenfreude! (No way I was spelling that one correctly without that handy “Did you mean….” tool)

Ah yes, schadenfreude. Leave it to the good old Germans to come up with a word to describe exactly how I feel when I see these poor, rich (oxymoron anyone?), stupid people. I don’t even care that they have money. I’d much rather be monetarily poor than be any one of the following people:

-Lindsay Lohan: I might have been a borderline alcoholic in university, but at least the whole god damned world didn’t see this posted up all over the internet:

-Paris Hilton: You come from money. You make more money being a fucking flake. You make a sex tape and Oopsie! release it to become famous for being a slut. You went to jail for 4 hours. You’re a fucking donkey with blow job lips. I have no problem with beautiful women. I do have a problem with sperm receptacle rich bitches who make 12 year old girls aspire to be porn stars.

-Kate Gosselin: Oh, how haggard your vagina must be! Asian babies are cute, but jesus, your home is almost as populated as China. And fuck your haircuts.

-Chad Kroeger: Ugly? Check. Untalented? Check. Disgrace to Canadian music? Check. Still somehow gets groupie sex? Check….not sure how….but check. If I saw him walking down the street I’d punch him.

-Any member of the band Good Charlotte: Balding, untalented dudes with uncool make-up.

Yes, these people have more money than me. They have fame and luxurious lifestyles, probably accompanied by raging drug and alcohol problems, daddy issues, general lack of self-esteem, etc.

These are the people that make me happy to be driving a Hyundai. I enjoy cheap red wine (whatever’s on sale!). I only buy cheese when it’s two-for-one, but I don’t care!


~ by Andrea on March 31, 2010.

3 Responses to “Things I Cannot Live Without Part 2: The Awakening”

  1. HAhahaha, the pictures alone make me laugh. Though it was a bit awkward trying to explain why the idea of Kate Gosslin’s beef curtains makes made me crack up *snicker snicker SNORT*

  2. Haggard Vagina!!!!! I love it

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