For the Easter weekend, I made a trek back to my parent’s house in my hometown of New Glasgow. It’s interesting to note how some things never change in your hometown. We still have the best pizza and a surplus of mullets (I saw one walking down the street on Easter Sunday in a black muscle shirt!). My laundry still magically gets done even though I never ask (thanks mom!). We’ve got amazing beaches and a lovely waterfront.

Some things are changing these days in the good ol’ hamlet of New Glasgow, though. Some of these things I thought were staples in our small town way of life. These things are pretty local, but even if you’re reading this and have no idea where New Glasgow is, I’m sure you have some pretty decent local similarities of your own.

Change #1: The ‘Stang Gang has been replaced by an army of rusty Honda Civics with fart-can mufflers. Now, maybe it was just an off weekend, being a holiday and all, but I saw zero ’81 Mustangs out in front of the KFC on our main road. What happened to all the dudes in 8-ball jackets checkin’ out what’s under the hoods of their buddy’s mean, green (spray painted) ‘stang? Now we have kids in seriously old and ugly Civics driving around sounding like they ate too much of Grandma’s pork-n-beans thinking they’re Asian-drifting sensations. Note: to the four Asian kids that live in New Glasgow, you guys are ok. It’s the rest of the posers I’m talking about.

Change #2: Wranglers has been replaced with Club D. Ok, so technically, Wranglers (it sounds as awesome as it was) closed down a few years ago. It was a place where legends were made. Ok, the legends made there were how many fights you could get into in one night and how many uglies from neighbouring towns you could swap spit with, but still. That place had more denim than the Levi’s outlet store. More mullets than a hockey game circa 1986. More giant Chicago Bulls “bull head” cut outs than, well, anywhere? Wtf were those about anyway? Because “bulls” are “western” themed enough to go with the rotting wagon wheels on the wall? New Glasgow has always had limited places to dance, but this is too much. Dooley’s is chain of pool halls. Only in New Glasgow has Dooley’s morphed itself from being “a pool hall” into CLUB D. A couple nights a week, they roll the pool tables out and roll the skanks and pop-top asshats in. I know I have friends reading this. If you go to Club D…stop…just stop. I’m not calling YOU a skank…but look around, damnit!!! It’s a pool hall. In New Glasgow. Take your clear heels and go out for a night in the city if you want to dress like a cheap hooker. Best conversation about Club D:

Setting: Acropole Pizza, Front Street, New Glasgow. The time is about 12 midnight. A young girl of about 19 or 20 is sitting in the corner, looking very drunk, very hungry and is dressed like a stripper, complete with shirt-dress in hot pink that barely covers her (probably) bare ass, 4 inch clear heels with ballerina ribbons laced up her calves, hot mess hair-do and make-up. She sits swaying and eating her pizza, looking like she’s going to vomit at any given moment.

Me: Hey, Becca, what time does Club D get out? Seems a little early.

Becca: Pretty sure it’s open ’til cool o’clock. What time is it now?

Me: (looking at watch) Looks like it’s a quarter to awesome.


Ah, yes, New Glasgow. I love you. I hate you. You make me angry, nostalgic, nauseous and happy all at the same time. You’re going through changes, but you still make me smile.

Stripper approved!

We need a 'Stang Gang reunion!

~ by Andrea on April 5, 2010.

6 Responses to “Ch-ch-changes”

  1. hahaha, little did we know Club D is actually open until cool O’clock!

  2. Ah! I was trying to remember exactly how that convo went…I knew I was missing something!!! Time to edit!

  3. I hate loud Civics!

  4. hahahahaha!
    I was wondering if that was referring to the Becca I know!!!!!!!

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