Happiness is Cold Beer

There is one sound that I love. It is the sound of happiness.
No, it’s not children.
Nor is it laughter, music or birds chirping.

It is the sound a beer makes when you crack it open after a really stressful day/ hour/ week/ whatever.

Cold, Cold, COLD!


I got home from work today, and it was a good day. I got to try out my new Science unit (I’m an English teacher, teaching Science. It’s wonderful!) with my one student and it went swimmingly. It was sunny, warm, and I had great staff working with me.

On my way home, I was thinking about taking back the digital cable box and smiling and singing along with the tunes on the radio. I stopped to get gas, and hell, why not a car wash? Yes…why not a car wash?

Cue the one hour and fifteen minute drive home.

I packed up the cable box, put some going-for-a-walk clothes on and went to grab my wallet.
Hmm, where ever did I put that pesky, rascally wallet of mine?

Cue the small panic attack:

Not in my bag. Not in my other bag. Not on the table, desk, chair, counter. Not in the car. Jesus Harold Christ. Is it in the trunk? WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT BE IN THE TRUNK!? It’s not in the trunk.

The gas station. Must be at the gas station. Some kind, noble soul has turned it in.

No.

No wallets turned in.

Maybe it’s by the car wash?

Well, maybe it is, but Merlene can’t leave her post at the cash register. She’s got no one to cover for her.

Cue the next, larger panic attack:

Calling Visa 1, Visa 2, Equifax, Trans Union.
Cancel. Cancel. Cancel.

Cue the one hour fifteen minute drive back to the gas station.

Merlene’s partner has not shown up. She hasn’t had a wallet turned in.

Cue last chance for romance.

SWEET JESUS, SWEET PATRON SAINT OF LOST CAUSES, SWEET SANTA CLAUS!

Cue the idiot, picking up her soaking wet, dripping, stinky wallet off the floor of the automatic car wash.

Everything accounted for. I am, however, now stuck with no money until 10am. All the Visas and my bank card are canceled. Here I sit, waiting to go to work, writing a blog about how big a twit I am for driving through a car wash with a wallet on my roof. Smart cookie. Maybe it’s fate and I’m becoming a bad woman driver.

Oh well, at least my day didn’t go like this:

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~ by Andrea on April 22, 2010.

46 Responses to “Happiness is Cold Beer”

  1. SWEET SANTA CLAUS….my new favorite saying!

  2. Poor friend. You deserved that [or multiples of that] beer.

  3. funny post, wallet panic is the worst!

    • Totally, and it was brutal b/c I had my SIN card and birth certificate in there. I was think, “Oh my god, I’m going to end up in some special report about identity theft.”

  4. Jesus’s middle name is Harold???

    Please tell me that you at least had a cold beer at home after this whole mess. If not, I may cry.

    • Well my mom used to say Jesus H. Christ (apparently it’s not a sin, since you didn’t use the Lord’s name in vain, because technically, H doesn’t belong in there…I’m such a god damned amazing Catholic!) and I turned it into Harold.

  5. If you’re going to lose your wallet it may as well be in an inventive way that nobody else has ever done. It sure did make for a good story.

    That video is awesome by the way.

  6. I recommend a cold beer in a hot shower. There is truly nothing like it. Awesome post.

  7. After all that you DESERVE a beer! Have aCorona on me… ;o)

  8. […] Happiness is Cold Beer […]

  9. Interesting Blog, Thanks for sharing 🙂

  10. I love that sound as well…Just not the taste so much…I was raised on the Amite river and I used to wake up early in the morning and walk out to the river bank and watch the fish jumping in the early morning mist …To me that was true happiness…

  11. Funny. The video is hilarious.

  12. Oh no! Just keep repeating “It’s almost the weekend” to yourself. That helps me. Alcohol and ice cream help, too.

    • Hahaha! Actually my work week has been great. I’ve actually learned more science in the past month than I had in all of high school I’m sure. But yes and yes to the alcohol and ice cream!

  13. Wait… how did it get out the door in the middle of the car wash?

  14. woah bad times, but at least you got it back. Beer well deserved methinks 🙂

  15. oh and I love the video!

  16. Poor you … literally. Funny and educational post. Didn’t know Jesus had a middle name. But you are totally right because of the Christmas carol, “Hark, Harold, The Angels Sing” (in my family, at least).

  17. Hell, you deserve multiple beers for being an English teacher, especially one teaching science.

    Cracking a cold one for my embattled brethren…

    To Shakespeare!

  18. Beer is great! I just need a cure for the hangovers. The parking job is the worst you can do. Wouldn’t like to be the other cars owners, I’d sue the heck outta the driver who recked my Lambo.

    Remain.Simple

  19. You’re supah funny! Cracking a beer at 5:15 while still standing in my heels & work clothes is one of my favorite things!

    http://www.bellabroccoli.wordpress.com

  20. […] video, but same idea used by BadKidsGoodGrammar.  He’s right when “Happiness is cold beer,” though I prefer the bottled variety.) Posted by Joshua Filed in education-reform, teaching, […]

  21. Really enjoyed your post as I could relate on multiple-levels…
    Love of beer, losing critical items, having a mild panic attack… Yep sounds like a normal day in my life!

    Thankfully Jesus Harold was on your side… : )

  22. Funny blog. It made me want to drink a beer in the carwash as the giant, soapy blue fettucine noodles swish across my windshield

  23. Great post! You do a great job of capturing that sinking feeling you get when you’ve done something stupid and know that everything you do next will only make matters worse!

    You deserve a cold one after that.

  24. Perhaps the person in the video had been enjoying a bit too much of the cold beer….

  25. I found your site from the WordPress.com page which has several sites that are strong enough to make the page. Your site is wonderful and beautiful.
    Thanks..

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