Roller Derby Kitchen Style

One of my favourite childhood memories is roller skating. I was around before in-line skating became popular, and even when it did, I stuck to my skates.

My first pair of roller skates were the ghetto Fisher-Price ones that adjusted sizes, were made of red, yellow and blue plastic, and you wore them over your shoes. The wheels were just barely able to turn, so you never actually skated too far. They were more like ugly over-shoes with round wheel-like accessories.



In grade 5, my friends and I all decided to collectively ask our parents for new roller skates for grading. Yes, some of our cooler friends had asked for roller blades, but we were not afraid of being dorks.

My new pair of shiny patent leather roller skates were as ugly as sin, and as awesome as, well, sin. My friends opted for the “sneaker-style” look, but being a tiny purest at the age of 11, I opted for the uglier, traditional figure-skate style.

Roller Skate!

Ugly and Amazing!

Throughout that first summer, we all worked up our courage, slowly but surely everyday, to make it to the top of the infamous “Killer Hill”. That hill was perfect for sledding in the winter and killing yourself on roller skates in the summer. By the time fall had rolled back around, we were all professional dare devils, and each and every one of us could launch ourselves off the top of Killer Hill without ending up with broken bones. At the age of 11, the speeds were hitting were comparable to breaking the sound barrier.

With the joy of making it through the summer alive, came the sadness of knowing that winter was coming and our roller skates would have to be shelved…or would they???

To my dear parents, I’m not sure if you knew about kitchen derby, but I would like to take this opportunity to extend a small sorry for possibly costing you extra money in new flooring for your kitchen. However, I am still poor, and I am not actually offering you any money for any damages incurred at that time. I’m sure the statute of limitations is totally up, anyway.

Anyway, to combat our roller-skate-less winter, my friends and I invented a pretty amazing game that could really only be played in my kitchen due to it’s unique design. Well, perhaps design isn’t the right word. You see, my parents house is old. Not “from the 70s” old, but rather from the 1870s old. It’s an awesome house, with high ceilings, hardwood floors, and a very slanted kitchen. This slant, however, created the premium surface for lazy-indoor-winter-kitchen-roller-skating. With one good push, you virtually enter into perpetual motion. The floor dips just enough to give you the momentum you need to get around the table, then goes back up and around, thrusting you back into the dip, and so-on and so-forth.

I don’t remember when the fad wore away, but it was probably sometime before junior high started. Although we didn’t care about being geeks around our own little group of friends, we weren’t stupid and probably figured we’d get hazed if we showed ourselves around town in roller skates near the high school. It was a pretty amazing trend for a while. I miss it, and I think I might actually enjoy real roller derby. I’m not afraid of dropping an elbow, and it would give me an excuse to lace up the old skates.


I got a brand new pair of roller skates...

~ by Andrea on April 26, 2010.

3 Responses to “Roller Derby Kitchen Style”

  1. I was big into rollerskating, too. And I enjoy occasionally going iceskating now. I saw people with rollerblades on the other day. I never got into those and was actually surprised that rollerblades are still around.

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