Douchebag Epidemic

Drunk Douchebags!

I like about 99% of the people I meet. That goes a long way, given my job description. I’m paid to teach and help young people who’ve committed some pretty heinous acts, but you know what? I don’t really mind most of them.

The people I do mind, however, are the self-important douchebags who feel as though they have some sort of entitlement to act like wankers whenever, and wherever they choose. Before getting to my most recent encounter with the douchebag population, let’s go through a brief, but informative list of a few of the stand-outs in my experience.

Douchebag on the Dancefloor: Once upon a time, I used to frequent a little watering hole known as JJ Rossy’s. JJ’s was the kind of place where you could show your bank card to the bouncer and he’d nod you in, even though you were only 17. It was the kind of place that was constantly sticky everywhere, and had ceilings that dripped condensation down from the heavens onto the sweaty mass of underage-ish drinkers bouncing on the dance floor.

Upon completion of my last exam in my fourth year of university, some friends and I decided to go out for one last hurrah (being 21 at this place was considered cougar territory), so we made our way to JJ’s for “Power Hour”-one dollar drinks and two dollar beer. We were enjoying ourselves immensely while we danced to the retro tunes spinning on the second floor. During our amazing dance routine, I apparently stepped back too far, and bumped a girl dancing behind me. It’s a 12 by 12 dance floor packed with 94 drunk people. Shit happens, right?

WRONG. Dance Floor Douchebag taps me on the shoulder and screams over the music, “YOU MADE ME SPILL MY BEER”. I look at her beer (more than half full), I look at her (fugly buck tooth mcnasty) and laugh and casually said, “Sweety, it’s JJ’s. It happens. Soooorrry!” To which she did the obvious thing and dumped her beer over my head. I stood for a moment, thinking about how stupid you have to be to dump out a beer you just claimed I spilled (did I not spill enough of it?), but more importantly about my 3 years of boxing and kick boxing experience, and decided quite quickly I didn’t want any kind of a lawsuit on my hands. I did what any self-respecting woman of 21 at JJ’s would do, and I bitch-slapped the douchebag right across the face. She stood, shocked, overwhelmed, and I am pretty sure I saw tears well up in her eyes. At this point Dance Floor Douchebag‘s boyfriend then proceeds to toss his rum and coke on me. To which I replied with yet another slap to the muthafucking face. Now, I’ve amassed a crowd of friends (including half my brother’s rugby team) who want to tear some shit up. However, I made for the door and cried the whole way home to my friends because A) I was wearing a white, and now see-through t-shirt and B) I got into a fight at JJ’s and I felt like a big skank. I did have to admit though, that those douchebags had it coming.


I don't know these guys, but they probably hung out at JJ's.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Douchebag: Cranky Asshat in the Grocery Store!

~ by Andrea on April 27, 2010.

7 Responses to “Douchebag Epidemic”

  1. Hahaha! I remember that night like it was yesterday. God, we’re old.

  2. Thats my Girl…………….. ahahaha god i miss you


  4. […] Douchebag Numero Deux As a recap, in case you missed yesterdays episode of DOUCHEBAG EPIDEMIC here at BadKidsGoodGrammar, please refer to this post in order to bring you to speed: Dance Floor Douche Bag […]

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