Giddy Like a School Girl

I need to stop using phrases like the title of this entry.

WordPress.com has this nifty feature that allows you track the search terms that people have used to come across your page. I will be honest, I have tried some of the phrases that come up and I’m not quite sure how the hell people manage to find my page from what they type into their search engine, but I’ll take WordPress’s word for it.

What I will say, is that there are some disturbing people out there typing things into search engines. Some of the things that come up, I won’t even Google, for fear of the police showing up at my door with a search warrant to apprehend my computer. Here’s a few of the more, ahem, tasteful (insert sarcastic font) of the search queries:

1. boys donkeys f*%k-Editing out curse words, normally not my style, but in this case, I don’t need more traffic coming to my site to be disappointed to find out the only time I’ve ever mentioned a donkey was in this post, where yes, my language was colourful, but ultimately I was just happy to be a satellite radio owner.

2. twelve year old girl/boy doing “insert nasty thing here”-this is a general statement that is over and over again used to find my blog. How sorry these pedophiles must be when they realize I am not peddling smut, but in fact discussing my displeasure over some unfortunate socialites who make very poor role models. These searches creep me the hell out and I feel like I should be reporting this to someone. WordPress, if you’re listening you need a “report disgusting creep” function.

3. china vagina gun cats-one of the more interesting, if not slightly disturbing, queries to somehow, somewhere bring up my blog. I can’t even begin to guess which entry this loads up, but I can’t help feeling the searchers disappointment when they end up here.

Is this Muppet porn?

Not all my search terms are disgusting, immoral, illegal and/or just plain creepy. Some are your regular, run of the mill type search queries, such as Charlton Heston gun room, Nintendo Contra game, smashing cheese grommit!, sealtest chocolate milk, funny Goonies movies scenes, etc. If there’s one thing I’m realizing about my blog, is that people fucking love the Muppets and I apparently talk about Muppets way too much.

So anyway, I guess I started off this blog by saying I am giddy like a school girl, which will no doubt lead dozens of sick freaks to my site. I’m actually happy for a number of reasons today. Firstly, I found out the military still owes us a move, so no packing, no lugging, no sweating, crying and/or swearing for me! Hired goons are going to show up at my house at the end of June and do all the heavy lifting and packing for me! SWEET!

Good advice.

Can’t wait to see the search terms that lead to this page.

Funny how people are always looking for donkey porn, but not hippo porn...

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~ by Andrea on May 6, 2010.

5 Responses to “Giddy Like a School Girl”

  1. I like looking at the search terms, too. One of mine today was “Shoving Nails Up My Arm.”

  2. I’ve wondered about some of the searches, too, but I’ve never had any as colorful as yours!

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