Underoos for All to See

Last weekend I was enjoying a cold bevvy with my hot stuff cousin from Nice Shoes Bitch. We decided on a patio and grabbed a seat in the shade while we nom-nom’ed on some lobster and crab dip, while tippling a few cold beers. It was a great day for a sundress and sandals.

We sat making quiet and sometimes judgmental comments about the folks who walked by, for instance the creepy family of four who walked two-by-two with their arms around each other like teenage kids about to partake in some serious PDA sessions. At first, we saw the Dad and a daughter and thought, “Whoa-child molester in the hizz-ous,” until we saw Mom and daughter number two taking up the rear (don’t look too deeply into that comment. I can’t control my puns these days.) about ten metres behind, walking in the same fashion.

It was weird, and we had a good laugh as we continued to stuff our faces with booze and mayonnaise-based dips.

Then we noticed three ladies trotting towards us. They were all seasonably dressed in short skirts and tanks, and nothing seemed amiss. Then we noticed the middle chicky doing something, well, a little odd. As she was walking, she kept hitching up her already very short skirt so that you could see her underwear.

I’m sure if I was a dude, I’d find that kind of thing hot. Trashy, a fun lay for one night only, but hot. However, I have to wonder what goes on inside the minds of girls like this.

So I know I’m cute. I have bleach blond hair and a nice body. I look good in short skirts. Why don’t I just give all these lovely patio people a little sneak preview of what you’ll see under this barely there skirt? Maybe I’ll score a hot date with a guy who really likes me for me, but you know, to get his attention I’ll just flash my panties. Maybe some old cougar will give me a dirty look and I’ll ask if she’s jealous, because I know she is. Maybe I just like these white cotton panties and I want everyone to know how much I love them. HERE! Check them out!

Panty flash: acceptable when reaching for you ass-kicking billy-club.

Seriously, I can’t wrap my mind around it. I really don’t care how little clothing you wear, but to be holding your mini-skirt up so an entire patio of people can check out your underwear as you walk by? I will also add that about 90% of the patio was female. Oh, and there was a blind man with his wife. I’m sure he really enjoyed your parade of panties.

If all the ladies are doing it...

Is this a trend that exists with chicks under 24 these days? Am I so far removed from the demographic that I didn’t notice this before? Or is this an isolated incident of random skanky-ness? Was the bottom of her skirt actually laced with shards of glass, and it was just to protect her outer and upper thighs from scarring?

There’s a time and place for panty-flashing. Mardi-gras I would assume is acceptable. The beach. While having a pillow fight with your roommates (I have done this and I have pictures. I will sell them for large amounts of money). However, the t-shirt as dress thing has now reached a new level. No longer is barely covering your underoos acceptable. I guess I should start toning my ass if I want to stay young and hip.

If Kathy Griffin can do it, so can I!


~ by Andrea on May 29, 2010.

4 Responses to “Underoos for All to See”

  1. Eeewww? Seriously, it’s ok to run around and flash your underoos when you’re four years old, but not past that.

  2. That was a fantastic afternoon. I love drinking on a Monday!

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