When I Grow Up, I Want to be a Zombie!

No wi-fi. Awesome. But I do have my iTouch so I can finger bang out a few lines about my morning.

iPod Touch without 3g makes for a finger-bangin' good time!

It started out easy enough. I awoke to a cat on my head a mere two minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. I managed to remove myself from my bed, careful not to put too much pressure on my right side. This is day number six of my mystery lower right abdomen pain. My first thought was appendix, but after a few days and no increase in pain or fever I figured it might be something else.

The weird thing about my mystery pain is that there are no other symptoms. I’m not queasy or feverish. I simply have an annoying pain in my stomach. After two days of working and trying to ignore it with the hopes it would just go away, I finally caved and went to a clinic. Add that to my list of exciting Friday night activities.

After some twisting, turning, poking and prodding by the good doctor, a quicky pee test was ordered up, although at the time he thought it might just be a strain in my abdomen wall. That is, until my pee, wonderous stuff that pee, immediately showed I have an infection…of what we’re not quite sure.

I like to think of myself maybe as patient zero-soon I’ll be trudging through the streets of Halifax trolling for brains and human end-trails.

Zombification Phase: Complete


So, I spent one and a half hours at the blood collection clinic, where I warned the staff I was “infected” but they didn’t seem to take any extra precautions. Let the record show I tried to warn them. Nothing eventful happened except that my fear of elderly sick people was again confirmed. I love senior citizens, except in large groups where 90 % of them are sick and making that god awful phlegmy, hacking, gurgley cough sound in unison. No worries though, I’m sure they’ll be elderly zombies within the week .

I predict this will be me in about a week, trying to update my blog.

So, here I sit. Now at diagnostic imaging. Of course I choose the hospital with one broken x-ray machine so the wait is a “hospital” two hours, which in layman’s terms is probably more like three of four. I must say, I do feel quite fashionable sitting here in my double hospital gown/Johnny shirt, no pants, no shirt, no bra, just sneakers socks and undies for this future zombie. I can’t help but stare at the man wearing his Johnny shirt across from me, legs splayed, and his underwear and junk resting nicely on the waiting room chair. I feel the overwhelming need to Purell my whole body. However, what I’m really hoping is that my infection (re: zombification) is accelerated by low doses of radiation! Victoria General Hospital, prepare yourself for zombie domination!!

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~ by Andrea on May 31, 2010.

4 Responses to “When I Grow Up, I Want to be a Zombie!”

  1. Nothing worse than dealing with the medical establishment.

    But Good luck! Hope it’s something more curable than zombification.

  2. Zombies are awesome! I hope you’re feeling better!

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