Please Won’t You Step Into My Meat Locker

So, I must know, is anyone out there like me in their hatred of air conditioning?

Wait, that’s at least partly a rhetorical question, since I know for a fact NSB loves the feeling of a cracked window and the fan gently blowing on her while driving in a car, just like I do. She also enjoys chugging back a molten-lava-hot large tea from Tim’s on just such occasions like me as well.

The perfect temperature...for death.

For about two months, I’ve been living in a meat locker. This house is so cold that there is occasionally condensation on the front windows, not unlike the outer glass of a Pepsi fridge. My sinuses are about to shrivel up and die at any moment, and I can’t feel my toes. I would swear to you that in the basement, when I’m sleeping, I can see my breath escaping my mouth through my chattering teeth. Even my cat is re-growing her winter coat. She’s been gathering up her discarded fur and making a nest out if it to stay warm.

Ok, so I love exaggerating, but I hate air conditioning.

However, I’ve been trying to be empathetic to those who love the AC. I know many people who absolutely can’t live without it, which is really unfortunate. For myself, it’s undoubtedly easier to throw on some socks, long pants, a sweat shirt and toque than it is for other people to, well, strip down to their ginch and expect people not to notice.

When it’s the middle of August, and I’m wearing jeans and a light jacket, it stands to reason the odd person will stare. They’ll think in their heads, “Gee, isn’t she hot?” and not in the flattering way I dream of. However, for those who need the AC, those who have blood that boils, faces that turn red and various body parts that get sweaty like they’ve been sprayed by a hose, I have to feel some sympathy. Afterall, it is a lot easier for me to cover up, than for them to fashion ice packs into undergarments.

Did anyone else have sleepovers where it was somehow funny to freeze someone's underwear?

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~ by Andrea on August 25, 2010.

3 Responses to “Please Won’t You Step Into My Meat Locker”

  1. 100% on board with this. I went to grad school in Texas, where you occasionally need to A/C, but man did they go nuts and then you’d be walking from 50 degrees inside to 100 degrees outside and you’d end up sick from it. Ugh!

    PS Enjoyed your comments on the teaching post yesterday – seriously, is there an organization for rational, common-sense teachers who’ve been driven out??

  2. Oh man, you’d hate my guts. I have a passionate, all-consuming love for air conditioning. I just moved into my first apartment with central air, and I quote Jason Lee in Dogma in saying that there is “No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater…..than central air.”

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