Stankaholic

I get the concept. You’re going to the gym. You’re going to grab a shower after the gym. Why bother showering before the gym?

Here’s why:

/begin rant

I found the person who stock-piled this after it went out of production!

You stink like you smoked nine packs of Player’s Light and then fell into a vat of rancid Malibu Musk. I think the vat also contained a squirrel or raccoon before it overflowed with stink, and now that small animal’s decomposing body is still in there somewhere as well.

I couldn’t even stand to be around you while I tied my sneakers. I’m pretty sure that I could see those wavy, cartoon stink-lines actually emanating from your body and clothes. I had to follow your trail of stench up the stairs only to watch two people curl their noses into “stink-face” expressions as they passed you in the opposite direction. I was careful not to follow too close for fear they might mistake your rankness for mine.

Did you happen to notice that not just one, but THREE people on adjacent treadmills seemed to cut their runs short when you showed up? I actually chose to ride a shitty, broken bicycle on the other side of the room just to try and avoid your smelliness. I feel especially bad for anyone who passed behind you, as the giant industrial-sized fan blew those stink-lines straight back into their faces. And trust me, as I sat listening to the new Girl Talk album on my iPod, I watched. I watched everyone of them furrow their brows and look as though they’d just been slapped across the face with the invisible hand of stank.

You know how they have those signs at the gym that state clearly how important it is to shower before getting in the pool? I think we need to move those signs up to the cardio room as well.

/end rant

Barf.

If you were a font, you'd be Smellvetica.

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~ by Andrea on November 17, 2010.

2 Responses to “Stankaholic”

  1. Hahaha Malibu Musk!!!

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